fediverse-bots/maritalk-bot/source.dat

Awoo~ is a catchphrase and nickname associated with the character Momiji Inubashiri from the Touhou Project video game series. Unlike many other Touhou Project memes, it is widely regarded as a form of shitposting on communities outside of Japan, most notably on 4chans board. Please rember that when you feel scared or frighten never forget times when you feeled happy when day is dark always remember happy day. What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch. I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet. Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo. What the desu did you just fucking desu about me, you little desu. I’ll have you know I graduated top of my desu in the Navy Desus, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret desus on Al-Desu, and I have over 300 confirmed desus. I am trained in desu warfare and I’m the top desu in the entire Nitorin armed desu. You are nothing to me but just another desu. I will desu you the fuck out with desu the likes of which has never been seen before on this desu, mark my fucking desu. You think you can get away with saying that desu to me over the desu. Think again, desu. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of desu across the USA and your desu is being traced right now so you better prepare for the spam, maggot. The spam that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your desu. You’re fucking desu, kid. I can be desu, desu, and I can desu you in over desu ways, and that’s just with my bare desu. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed desu, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Desu and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable desu off the face of the desu, you little desu. If only you could have known what unholy desu your little desu comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking desu. But you desu, you desu, and now you’re desu, you goddamn desu. I will shit desu all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking desu, kiddo. What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch. I’ll have you know my name is John, and I woke up this morning 530 sharp to the smell of wet pussy. I was getting a blowjob from two bitches Shit was SO Cash, one was trying to fit my humongous 3 pound balls in her mouth while the other was choking halfway on my 18 and 3\8 inch dick. She started to squirt hard, she was convulsing and having 6 orgasms at the same time. I gave it to them and they were on the floor squirting like motherfucking fountains. Must have come about a quart of sperm and compressed air. Imagine your best orgasm, then multiply it by 35. I had to go to base camp so I front-flipped from my 14th floor barracks into my valet parked 2012 Ferrari I got connexions. Pushed my shit to about 4 hundo mph, mind you and I was at base camp in no time. When I entered, I became a top sniper and was granted access to the entire arsenal of the USMC. I learned how to kill someone in over 700 different ways and was assigned to be the leader of a squad that will kill 300 terrorists using gorilla warfare tactics. Also did 6000 push-ups, 8000 sit-ups and bench-pressed 30 plates in 16 minutes. After basic training, I met a network of secret spies who will help me trace your IP address, while eating gold plated sushi and 15,000$ champagne. My unit got the rest of the day off and I became captain of our base’s football team and starter of the basketball team. I got straight A’s on the military entrance exams and received more awards. Meanwhile, you were jacking off to pictures on Facebook and naked drawn Japanese people. Went back in the Lambo to my barracks and now I am getting ready to go to sleep. I am going to graduate at the top of my class in the Gensokyo tomorrow and I want to look pretty much perfect for it. Don’t be a stranger and remember, I did more in one day than you will your entire life. What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little shit. I’ll have you know I graduated top of Japan and I’m responsible for heart attacks of criminals world wide, and I have 124,925 confirmed kills. I trained myself to be the best in a battle of wits and I’m the god of this new world. You are nothing to me but just another name. I will wipe you the fuck out in a method that you can’t even comprehend, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet. Think again fucker. As we speak I am contacting all my followers and your personal file is being brought to my location right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime and kill you in over 2 million differant ways, and that’s just with my notebook. Not only am I extensively trained in finding out your name, but I have access to the entire arsenal of over 30 thousand world wild followers and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of this continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what holy retribution your little clever statement was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would of held you fucking tounge. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you god damn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. What the fuck did you just fucking type about me, you little bitch. I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class at MIT, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids with Anonymous, and I have over 300 confirmed DDoSes. I am trained in online trolling and I’m the top hacker in the entire world. You are nothing to me but just another virus host. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on the Internet, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with typing that shit to me over the Internet. Think again, fucker. As we chat over IRC I am tracing your IP with my damn bare hands so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your computer. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can hack into your files in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in hacking, but I have access to the entire arsenal of every piece of malware ever created and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the world wide web, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little clever comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking fingers. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit code all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo. Are you kidding me you little piece of shit i’ll have you know I graduated top of my politics class and i’ve been involved in privilege checking with over 150 confirmed political demonstrations i’m trained in conflict resolution and I was the most oppressed person in my entire upper middle class high school you are nothing to me but another cultural appropriator I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which have never been seen on this side of the 49th parallel mark my words you think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the internet think again fucker, as we speak i’m checking with my anarcho-communist brigade for your location so you better be prepared to deal with some molotov cocktails and angry feminists flying through your window yOU’RE FUCKING DEAD CHERRY. I can be anywhere at any time and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways and that’s just with me boring you to death while I talk about privilege not only am I extensively trained in hotline management but I have access to an entire arsenal of sociological articles to prove my point and I will use them to wipe your fucking face off the earth you little shit if only you had known what oppressed retribution your cultural appropriation would unleash then maybe you would have held your fucking tongue but you couldn’t you’re fucking dead kiddo. o be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Rick and Morty. The humour is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of theoretical physics most of the jokes will go over a typical viewer's head. There's also Rick's nihilistic outlook, which is deftly woven into his characterisationhis personal philosophy draws heavily from Narodnaya Volya literature, for instance. The fans understand this stuff they have the intellectual capacity to truly appreciate the depths of these jokes, to realise that they're not just funnythey say something deep about LIFE. As a consequence people who dislike Rick & Morty truly ARE idiotsof course they wouldn't appreciate, for instance, the humour in Rick's existential catchphrase Wubba Lubba Dub Dub, which itself is a cryptic reference to Turgenev's Russian epic Fathers and Sons. I'm smirking right now just imagining one of those addlepated simpletons scratching their heads in confusion as Dan Harmon's genius wit unfolds itself on their television screens. What fools.. how I pity them. And yes, by the way, I DO have a Rick & Morty tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It's for the ladies eyes onlyand even then they have to demonstrate that they're within 5 IQ points of my own preferably lower beforehand. Nothing personnel kid. When you were partying, I studied the blade. When you were having premarital sex, I mastered the blockchain. While you wasted your days at the gym in pursuit of vanity, I cultivated inner strength. And now that the world is on fire and the barbarians are at the gate you have the audacity to come to me for help. Can I take your order please. What do you want. You gotta eat to keep your strength up, man. Ey, I’ll take a number 9, fat boy. Give me a number 9, just like him. I’ll have a number 6 with extra dip. I’ll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda. My name is Marisa. I'm 19 years old. My house is in the northeast section of Gensokyo, where all the villas are, and I am not married. I work as an employee for the Kame Yu department stores, and I get home every day by 8 PM at the latest. I don't smoke, but I occasionally drink. I'm in bed by 11 PM, and make sure I get eight hours of sleep, no matter what. After having a glass of warm milk and doing about twenty minutes of stretches before going to bed, I usually have no problems sleeping until morning. Just like a baby, I wake up without any fatigue or stress in the morning. I was told there were no issues at my last check-up. I'm trying to explain that I'm a person who wishes to live a very quiet life. I take care not to trouble myself with any enemies, like winning and losing, that would cause me to lose sleep at night. That is how I deal with society, and I know that is what brings me happiness. Although, if I were to fight I wouldn't lose to anyone. Gensokyo was originally a desolate, haunted region of Japan ages ago. The youkai that lived there began to terrorize the surrounding lands, and thus powerful, heroic humans were sent to exorcise and exterminate them. The off and on battle between humans and youkai continued on until 1885 A.D., when Gensokyo was sealed off from this increasingly scientific and skeptical world with the creation of the Great Hakurei Barrier. There has been little contact between those societies ever since. Today, the only known gateway between Gensokyo and this world is the Hakurei Shrine, which stands in isolation along the border on distant mountains of the far east. It's known that the local language spoken in Gensokyo is modern Japanese. Gensokyo is populated mainly by youkai, but a decent human and rabbit population lives there as well. Some of its inhabitants went there to hide, to escape, to find shelter when no-one and nowhere else would accept them. Many of them just like the natural darkness. Marisa Kirisame is an ordinary human magician who specializes in light and heat magic and currently resides in the Forest of Magic. It ain't magic if it ain't flashy. Danmaku's all about firepower. And she has a compulsive mania for collecting things. Marisa is very straightforward and informal with everyone. She can be condescending, as if trying to make fool of others, and often has difficulty expressing sympathy. She's often unyielding and uncooperative. She has a mania for collecting things and may have a hoarding disorder. She's quick to act if she hears anything interesting. Marisa is also a habitual liar, but she makes no effort to actually deceive anyone as her lies are extremely obvious. In later appearances, Marisa has revealed that she does care about the wellbeing of Gensokyo, but she conceals it underneath her usual rowdy self. Marisa is very hard-working but she goes to great lengths to not show that side of hers to others. She claims to be the number two in Gensokyo and takes great pride in her magical prowess, believing that she will be known as a great witch, sparing no effort to achieve that goal. Unlike most characters, Marisa is known to use a distinct speech tone. The most typical and known example of this is the use of the sentence ending particle ze. Ze used at the end of verb stems delivers a boyish and impolite sound to the listener/reader. Ze is mostly used in a context to express one's will to act similar to let's in English, and using it in other cases sound somewhat unnatural, perhaps phony or showy. She is initially more feminine in Story of Eastern Wonderland, she uses the effeminate atai to refer to herself, and her laughs are represented as a girlish kyahaha., but her tone became more similar to her current manner of speech by the time of Mystic Square. One source of influence could've been Chiyuri Kitashirakawa, whose speaking style is quite similar to Marisa's. Marisa's Love Sign Non-directional Laser was copied from Patchouli Knowledge's regular attack from Embodiment of Scarlet Devil as confirmed by ZUN. Other than that, there are also others suggested to have been stolen Love Sign Master Spark greatly resembles Yuuka Kazami's and Gengetsu's laser from Lotus Land Story, her Orreries Sun resembles Mima's orreries, and Cold Inferno resembles Remilia Scarlet's familiar in Imperishable Night. However, there's no official evidence that these are copied moves. It's unknown if Marisa is inherently talented at imitating others moves, or if she simply manages to do so due to sheer effort. She uses her mini-Hakkero to use the Master Spark, while Yuuka uses her version of the laser through other means. Thus, her copying of the Master Spark seems more analogous to a person copying a fire-breathing dragon by using a flamethrower rather than a person copying a fire-breathing dragon by breathing flames merely through observation. Marisa also states that she can't imitate Kaguya Houraisan's spell cards as they use special items that she doesn't possess. In that case, it's analogous to a person being unable to copy a fire-breathing dragon since there are no devices on hand. It's unlikely her implied tendency to copy other's moves is abnormal, as magicians such as Marisa build upon the work of others. Marisa claims in The Grimoire of Marisa that it's magicians who build on observation, while Patchouli Knowledge uses the pride of magicians to add their own original touch to another's work while preserving and respecting the original. Magicians seek the truth according to Patchouli. They act like researchers in this sense, building upon the work of others. However, other magicians such as Patchouli and Alice Margatroid haven't been depicted using imitations as blatant as Marisa's for spell cards. If you or a loved one has been diagnosed with Mesothelioma you may to be entitled to financial compensation. Mesothelioma is a rare cancer linked to asbestos exposure. Exposure to asbestos in the Navy, shipyards, mills, heating, construction or the automotive industries may put you at risk. When I was younger, maybe junior high, I got roped into watching my 3 month old niece while my sister got her hair done. So when there I am, sitting in the waiting area of a hair salon with my niece and who walks in but Keanu Reeves. I was nervous as fuck, and just kept looking at him, as he read a magazine and waited, but didn't know what to say. Pretty soon though my niece started crying, and I'm trying to quiet her down because I didn't want her to bother Keanu, but she wouldn't stop. Pretty soon he gets up and walks over. He started running his hands through her hair and asking what was wrong. I replied that she was probably hungry or something. So, Keanu put down his magazine, picked up my niece and lifted his shirt. He breast fed her right there in the middle of a hair salon. Chill guy, really nice about it. I just have seen your stream and wanted to say that I thought you were super adorable. you don’t know me at all and I know it’s kinda weird. I just thought maybe it’d be fun to roleplay with you as your online girlfriend maybe. I’m a magician that’s why I was saying roleplay.. this isn’t a troll. again, I know it’s really random and weird. I’m sorry. It would just be a fun online relationship nothing serious and I could donate to you and your stream and support you and just be here. As an European it was always hard for me to understand American culture. What was fascinating for me is that they like bragging about their freedom which was weird for me, because I didn't think that I have any less freedom than them. I always thought What is the difference. However after this game I finally understand it. It is just so fucking free. The broadcaster of this channel has promoted you to mod status. Reimu literally made gaming mainstream. Before him people looked down on gaming like it was only for nerds or whatever. He made it okay for everyone to play video games without beings called a virgin or nerd. You cheated not only the game, but yourself. You didn't grow. You didn't improve. You took a shortcut and gained nothing. You experienced a hollow victory. Nothing was risked and nothing was gained. It's sad that you don't know the difference. Bumper stared at the burger in his hand. Normally, he loved chowing down on his Big Mac like he chowed on these beta tanks like Swon or Muma or Super. But not today. Today, this burger was a sign of his failure. The double patties of meat reminded him not of succulent juicy beef but only the mighty veiny vascular muscles of Ameng. The seeded bread buns. It was Ameng’s cheeks as he squatted on Bumper’s face. The tomato. It was his blood dripping off Ameng’s hammer. The mayo. You know what it is. This chat disgusts me. 40% of the chat are 41 year olds pretending to be 14. The other 40% are 14 year olds pretending to be 41. And the remaining 30% just copy pastes the longest message they can find in the chat. Grow up chat, grow up.  Hot tip When someone yells pickpocket start searching for your wallet in the groin area and exclaim Thank God my wallet is safely tucked between my testicles. The pickpocket will see this and assume that the wallet is there. These people usually have very supple and delicate hands so when they try to take your wallet you will instead get a pleasant fondling to your genital area. We have noticed you haven't logged in for 4 weeks, we're just checking to see that everything is okay with our biggest fan. Since you visited us last time we've updated the Marisa section with many videos we know you will enjoy. See you soon. Sometimes I like to put 9 towels into my mouth and pretend I'm Marisa. Please, thank you. Sorry for bad England, I walk many miles to come watch. Hey fediverse, take it easy please. Sometimes I see the same message posted twice. Take your time to actually read chat to avoid embarrassing incidents like this. Thank you.  I spend all day working my ass off at the pasta factory trying to provide pasta to hard-working people all across the world. After a long day of work, I come to Kripp's chat to unwind and have thought-driven discussions about my favorite game and favorite streamer. When I get here, however, all I see is pasta after pasta. All I want to do is escape my miserable life, but you fucks keep spamming. My teacher said to my I'm a failure, that I'll never amount to anything. I scoffed at him. Shocked, my teacher asked what's so funny, my future is on the line. Well you see professor I say as the teacher prepares to laugh at my answer, rebuttal at hand. I watch TV. The class is shocked, they merely watch pleb shows like the big bang theory to feign intelligence, not grasping the humor.  how. I can't even understand it's sheer nuance and subtlety. Well you see WUBBA LUBBA DUB DUB. One line student laughs in the back, I turn to see a who this fellow genius is. It's none other than Reimu. My daughter was born with a hearing impairment than ultimately left her deaf shortly after birth. I have been working for years to pay for a new surgery that would allow her to hear again. Today was her 8th birthday and I managed to get her what she's always wanted for her birthday, the sense of hearing. I decided to let her listen in on what Daddy has been watching late at night and I turn on your stream and what do I hear. Silence. Wow great game.. PogChamp PogChamp remove this part of the message after pasteing in chat, your $1 has been sent to your Paypal account, ZUN. You have been permanently banned from this life. Here in my garage, just bought this new lamborghini here. It’s fun to drive up here in the Steam Hills. But you know what I like more than single discounts. Steam Sales In fact, I’m a lot more proud of two new Steam Sales that I had to get installed to hold twelve thousand new discounts on Steam. It’s like what I say, the more you discount, the more you earn. Don't read this. You will be kissed on the nearest possible Friday by the love of your life. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. Now you've started reading this don't stop this is so freaky. But if you read this and ignore it then you will have very bad luck. Put this on 15 songs in 144 mins. When you are done, press space bar and your crushes name will appear in big letters on the screen this is so freaky it actually works. Why do people eat roman noodles. Why do people eat them nasty ass roman noodles  Will you answer that question for me.. There goes your answer to the question you just asked me. Why do people eat chitlins. Why do people eat  shellfish. Why do people eat watermelon. nasty ass watermelon. I mean y'all need to be open to trying different foods and I feel like every time I get into an argument with people the first thing they bring up is ohhh you eat shit  you eat period blood.. and I'm like okay We all eat food, everybody eats food so what does my preference in food have to do with what we're talking about. If you're going to try to insult me you're gonna have to come up with something better than that. cause at the end of the day we all need food to survive. so your point is very invalid. So. I find it hilarious that that's the first thing people say when we argue and I just be like okay. I'm not judging you for your favorite food. You judge me for my favorite food cause I love poop and I'll eat it right in front of you. You can talk your shit while I eat shit. Your interaction with me is now burned into my psyche. As I recalled our horrid interaction, my whole body shook in disgust and I broke into a permanent frenzy of anger and confusion--i feel retarded. What you told me was undisputedly the dumbest combination of words uttered in the entire world. I just jumped out my apartment window and killed myself. This is what you must do. Get up, walk into the middle of the nearest forest and lay down and reflect on what you did. Never utter a syllable out of that cancerous hole in your face again, and allow yourself to decompose to aid the surrounding flora in replacing the oxygen your stupid fucking skull wastes on a daily basis. You almost singlehandedly destroyed mankind by being conscious. I'm fucking disgusted at the fact that you exist on the same planet as me, and what is worse is that you share similar dna to me. The fact that our DNA is connected, even marginally, is a goddamn abomination and I am going to spiral into a depression very quickly because of this realization. The realization that we both fall under the term human and I have to be grouped in with your pathetic existence is disgraceful. I am very traumatized by you. Your body language is fucking atrocious and it bothers me to no end. It's so pathetic, the way you mope around. You mope around with your shoulders hunched over, lethargically dragging your feet on the floor. You have a thin, fragile frame. You walk around reacting to everything that happens to you. Fuck you. There are horrible, inexcusable things that I would happily do to never interact with you again, even if it was for a brief moment. I will explain what these things are in a list format, because that's the only way your 5-monthold brain stuck in a man's body will understand it.I would rather  1. Withdraw all my money in cash from my multiple bank accounts, get it all together and poop on it. Give myself big papercuts in all the crevices of my fingers and proceed to dip my hands in salt water. Stub my big toe over 50 times in one day. Be told by someone in authority that I will never amount to anything in my life, ever. Be a literal cuckold. Get bitch-slapped by a man with rough hands once a day, for every day of my life going forward. Undergo dramatic negative changes in my lifestyle that would damage my mind and body beyond repair. Undergo a whole host of different forms of mental and physical humiliation as in being spat on and told I am worthless. Be forced to drink non-alcoholic macro-produced beer from the can, while every person around me drinks Trappist beers from exotic chalices for 10 hours straight for the rest of my life. Have a procedure done to reduce my IQ so that my new IQ falls within the range of down syndrome.  than engage in the briefest of interactions with you. I need you to know that this list is not comprehensive, and that there are many, many more atrocious situations I would prefer to you even coming across my vision. Instead of continuing to talk about more situations that I would prefer to be in than merely glancing at you, I am going to revert back to what I was talking about before insulting your character. The reason being that I don't feel like you have fully comprehended the extent of my negative opinion of you and why I think this way. I know I insulted your body language already, but I hate how you look. Its terrible and a tragedy worth crying over. Your clothes don't look nice I am very angry about it. It looks like you wore them to seem interesting but it doesn't make sense to me because you aren't an interesting person. You should have thought about this before you dressed yourself. You are an ogre. Basically you walk into Red Lobster on a stormy Wednesday evening. You sit down with your wife and two kids. The waiter comes by to take your order as you hungrily ask for the endless shrimp. 15 minutes later everybody is served. Your wife and kids ordered the endless shrimp as well. As the night morphs into inky blackness outside you all talk and laugh and eat. You eat plate after plate after plate of shrimp. After a couple hours, you and your family are stuffed. You motion to the waiter to bring the bill and look down at your plate, letting out a small chuckle. It looks like you haven't even eaten a single bit of shrimpa curious thing since you have been gorging yourself on shrimp constantly for the better part of two hours. But before you can puzzle over this small oddity any longer, the waiter bustles over to your table and hands you the bill. As you reach over to grab the check your hand closes instead around a squishy pile of shrimp. There is no check being held out to you, just another plate of shrimp. A loud thunderclap booms outside as you look up at the waiter to ask why he brought you more shrimp instead of the check, when you are suddenly alarmed to find not the waiter, but a giant, human-sized shrimp in server attire staring blankly down at you. You spin around in your seat to see if your wife can see the shrimp waiter and are immediately frightened out of your wits. Your wife is no longer seated there next to youonly another human-sized shrimp wearing your wife's dress and hoop earrings. Numb with horror, you quickly glance across the table at your two children. They are both shrimps. You let out a yell as another thunderclap echoes across the sky and it begins to rain. You distantly register the start of the torrential downfall outside, which sounds like large hail, as you spare a sweeping glance across the restaurant. There are no humans present. There are only shrimps seated at booths, shrimps seated at tables, and even a small group of shrimps at the bar. They are all eating large platefuls of shrimp and leering at you menacingly. Your heart begins to pound in your chest like a war drum. You stumble backwards, half falling over your chair in your haste to get up. You sprint for the door and run outside into the dark stormy night. As you dash through the parking lot towards your car you feel something like a giant hot raindrop hit your face and bounce off towards the ground. Looking down you see a shrimp lying on the ground. You look out across the parking lot and see puddles of shrimp collecting in the cracks in the pavement and across the roofs of the closest cars. Another warm object strikes your head. It's literally raining shrimp. You find your car and fumble, hands shaking uncontrollably, with your keys. Finally unlocking the car you slip inside and engage the door locks. The human-sized shrimp from the restaurant are now congregating outside the front doors, staring across the parking lot at you. Their pale orange-pink bodies eerily backlit from the light streaming out from the open doors behind them. You try to cram the key into the ignition, but it folds against the ignition plate and squishes in your hand. You look down. There are no car keys, only several mangled shrimp on a keyring in your trembling hand. You punch the steering wheel in frustration accidentally setting off the car alarm. The shrimps outside the restaurant hear the noise and hungrily start to advance across the parking lot towards you. You try in vain to cram the shrimp key into the ignition but you know it is pointless. The shrimp slowly approach the car and surround it, rocking it back and forth, pressing their slimy bodies against the frame. You hear the fiberglass doors groan under the pressure as one of the rear windows shatters, spraying the backseat of the car with fragments of glass. You know there is no hope left. There is no escape. White-faced and shaking, you reach across the console and open the glovebox. Crammed under the insurance papers and a pile of napkins is the Glock 19 you always bring with you when you leave the house. You pull the gun from its holster and pause for a fraction of a second that holds an eternity. With tears streaming down your face, you put the gun to the roof of your mouth. Trying not to imagine what it feels like to die, only forcing yourself to think of your wife and kids you close your eyes. Then you pull the trigger. A singular shrimp comes zooming out of the barrel into your mouth. In your darkest hour, death itself refuses to end you. For death is not the end. There can only be shrimpand they are endless. I refuse to join your bullshit server and become part of your bullshit buzz lightyear religion. No. You can not make me. Not in a million years. If you even so think of coming to my house to pester me about your fucking religion, I will get my glock and shoot you in the penis. If I even see you within Fifty feet of my house, and I will blow you to smithereens. So you better stop advertising your shitty buzz lightyear religion or so help me god you're going to be in a load of trouble. Hello. As Marisa one-trick of a few years, I am very interested in Reimu. I like the champion’s kit, it’s very innovative, and I also like her lore. I have but one problem. She is black. Unlike the rest of you, I have standards. I simply refuse to play as a character who has black skin. It doesn’t matter which genre, which game, I will avoid any black character like the plague. You may be saying, how is this even remotely possible. How can I claim to have never played a black video game character while being a Lucian one-trick. I exclusively use the Reimu skin. As Marisa, Touhou lacks the very concept of race. This allows me to enjoy Reimu's fun gameplay without being disturbed by the unnatural levels of melanin my character possesses. This is my suggestion create skin that allows people to actually enjoy the game without being weighed down by being an inferior race. That is all. I never wanted to breed with anyone more than I want to with Halloween Mercy. That perfect, curvy body. Those bountiful breasts. The child bearing hips of a literal goddess. It honestly fucking hurts knowing that I'll never mate with her, pass my genes through her, and have her birth a set of perfect offspring. Moms spaghetti, knees weak, moms spaghetti, theres vomit on his mom already, moms spaghetti, He’s nervous but on a spaghetti he looks moms spaghetti to drop moms but he keeps mom spaghetti what he wrote moms the whole crowd mom so loud, he opens his mom but the spaghetti don’t come out, He’s moming how, spaghettis joking now, The moms run out, spaghettis over bloah. Spaghet to reality, Mom, there goes spaghetti Mom, there goes spaghet, he momed, he’s so mad, he won’t spaghet that easy no, He wont mom it, he knows his spaghetti to these ropes It don’t spaghet, he’s mom, He knows that but he’s mom, He’s so spaghet, he knows when he moms back to his spaghetti home that’s when it’s, spaghet to the mom again, yo This whole spaghetti, He better spaghet this moment and hope it don’t spaghet him. Is this a motherfucking Reimu meme. You know this is the most hated thing in the internet right. Using minions to make a meme is internet suicide. Don't be surprised when you get 6000 karma. You actual brainlet. You are so retarded that out of all the things you could of chosen it had to be a Reimu meme. There is a special place in hell for people like you who think that they can get away with a Reimu meme. You deserve the worst possible punishment that God can bestow inside you. You truly deserve suffer for you sins you absolute degenerate. I hope you drown in you own semen, from jacking off to this you cunt. I wanted to make artichoke dip. So I tried to get ahold of an artichoke, which was more difficult than you’d think. I was at the Entire Foods grocery store, and after asking the butcher for the 4th time where the artichokes were, altercations occurred, and security had to escort me out. I stubbed my toe on the way out. That happened every time I tried to purchase an artichoke. Not the security guard part, just the toe stubbing. Somewhere somehow, in any grocery mart, I go and stub my toe. It’s never the same toe, either. Sometimes big. Sometimes pinky. Sometimes that middle-left toe gets stubbed too. My feet hurt all the time. My doctor says it’s because I have scoliosis but I say you know what. It’s because I’m constantly stubbing my toes at grocery stores. I still want to make artichoke dip. PART I I was born into a family of non-yeeters. Every morning before I went to school my father would say, if I ever find out that you've hit that yeet, I'll thump ya. Yes, pa, I would always reply. It was a regular occurrence for him to burst into my room unannounced while I was relaxing or doing homework. Y'all hitting that yeet. he would seeth. No, pa, I would answer. Good. He would then walk out the room and shout, If I ever catch ya, it's a thumpin. It was a difficult upbringing. I had seen my friends hittin that yeet at school, and many of them encouraged me to partake. I would swallow my pride. No thanks. I don't wanna catch a thumpin from pa. As a result, I was an outcast. A loner. I became depressed, knowing that I would never be like my peers, I would never fit in I would never hit that yeet. One day, when I was still but a wee lad, I became curious. I was in my room, watching Instagram videos of fellas my age hittin that yeet all over town without a care in the world. My intentions got the better of me. I stood up, my knees trembling. Carefully, I leaned onto my right foot and raised my hand in the air. I breathed in. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET. My father burst from my closet. I told you I'd thump ya if I ever caught you hittin that yeet, nibba, he ejaculated. Then, he thumped me. I haven't hit that yeet since. PART II Until today. This morning was my father's funeral. At the procession, my brother asked me to say a few words. I told him I only needed one. With confidence, I approached the podium. I gazed out upon the gathering of sad faces. I cleared my throat and leaned into the microphone. Yeet, I spake. Suddenly, my father leapt from his hand-crafted mahogany coffin, the gunshot wound still in his chest. He sprinted up to the podium with the energy of a man without a gunshot wound in his chest. Y'all hittin that dirty fuckin yeet at my funeral. he ejaculated. He raised his hand to thump me. Not so fast, pa. I grabbed his hand. Yaint thumpin no mo. My father looked at me with eyes as open as the gunshot wound in his chest. A tear fell from his right eye, which also had a monocle. The student becomes the teacher, he said. The student becomes the yeetcher, I corrected him. This rather reminds me of my last few months in prison. Several weeks ago I was on my hands and knees in the showers lubed to Patchouli and back and a large black mass was entering and exiting me. I am am of course talking about my adventurous three months in prison. How did here I asked myself as torrent of cum filled my man vagina to the point of bursting, Patchouli would say as I struggled against his cementing of my lower intestine. After a few dozen times I was a prolapsed shell of my former self. My mouth dropped behind like a limp tube of pasta. I could now talk standing standing up at least. An added bonus was I could talk myself in the mouth by pulling my pasta tube over the head of my mushroom. But something about those three months changed my life that wasn’t just a permanent rearrangement of my insides. Those experiences I grew to love as my man bean was furiously abraised. In a funny sense as wrong as it felt it also felt so right. And as my petite little rump was passed around the prison I thought back to an insightful Patchouli qoute, I’m gonna love until you love me.. That man is scholar I thought as cheeks were pulled apart to the point of ripping. On my final day I begged the prison guards to let me stay as this ‘lifestyle’ I grew acustomed to was about be taken away, like my virginity on the first day. In short prison reoriented more than just my book. Hey dude. Didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t want to cause a scene, but this is getting inappropriate and sort of making me very uncomfortable. Idont know the relationship you have with bailey, and I'm super nonconfrontational, so I didnt want to say anything, because I didnt want to step on people's toes. But the types of comments you're making aren't ok for this type of environment, and have really ruffled some feathers. I dont want to speak on behalf of anyone else but I'm super not ok with it. You come into a group of strangers mainly female strangers and start making sex jokes. You get asked to cool it, so you start making jests about drugs. I'm a medical student. I spend day in and day out dealing with these types of things, and after a 8-6 day I dont really want to have to deal with these types of things while trying to relax and chat with friends, in addition to seriously at university. I have no bias against you as a person, and I'm sorry if this seems slightly harsh. It's beginning to really rub me the wrong way, and I'd rather say something than just leave it. There's a time and a place for everything. But here is not it. Her personality is straightforward, optimistic, and a bit curious. She's quick to anger if offended, but just as quick to offer help to those in need. According to Komachi, Reimu has an innocent heart that can't truly hate anyone. While rather lazy in her free time, she's highly devoted to her duties as the Hakurei Shrine Maiden, resulting in a shoot first and ask questions later attitude to youkai extermination. This makes her known to exterminate youkai indiscriminately, regardless of how much of a threat they represent to her or others. One example is Tokiko, who was ambushed by Reimu while she was, in Reimu's own words, reading and minding her own business. Apparently, however, she actually helps youkai in trouble when it really matters. For instance, in Silent Sinner in Blue, she kept Reisen disguised as an earth youkai-rabbit at her place to help healing her injuries, giving her the futon she uses to sleep and even going to Eientei to inform its residents that a wounded rabbit was at her shrine. She also treated Shinmyoumaru Sukuna well enough after the events of Double Dealing Character that the inchling gave her a matching kimono as a sign of gratitude. Since it was so small, Reimu had to wear it on the back of her head. It has been stated that Reimu treats everyone the same, whether they are humans, youkai or gods, giving them no particular respect or disrespect. This habit has caused her to inadvertently befriend many youkai she defeats. While she tries to keep youkai away from her shrine, this is because it makes it harder to gather faith from humans rather than because she dislikes them. At the end of the symposium in Symposium of Post-mysticism, when Reimu goes to break it up, Miko notes that though Reimu says she wants to eliminate all the youkai, she actually just wants to attain a peace in Gensokyo that doesn't require violence, like the others present wish. While many inhabitants of Gensokyo are capable of flying, Reimu's ability extends beyond that she is someone who excels at floating through life, displaying a level of oneness with her surroundings that has been compared to a hermit. While she goes with the flow Reimu displays superhuman instincts and incredible luck, naturally ending up on the path of least resistance through most situations conversely, when distracted or acting with impure motives she quickly loses her edge. On one occasion observers saw Reimu dodging an attack like she was made of air while Reimu herself saw the attack swerving to avoid her on another Reimu unknowingly walked across a river without getting wet, by stepping on fish that swam beneath her feet. This also makes Reimu's techniques extremely hard for Marisa Kirisame to learn from, since even Reimu herself has trouble explaining what she's doing. The ultimate expression of this ability is Fantasy Nature, which allows Reimu to float away from reality and become impossible to attack this was considered too powerful for use as a spell card until Marisa gave it a name and time limit. Reimu is the shrine maiden of the Hakurei Shrine, and one of the main incident resolvers in Gensokyo. She and others characterize the time she spends at the shrine as largely boring and uneventful. While she is sometimes serious about her duties, she can't seem to get many worshippers at her shrine. It appears that youkai extermination is her only method of earning even a thin salary. Kanako Yasaka has stated that if she was to acquire a tremendous amount of faith, she could become a goddess, but at the moment she acts more like a youkai. Kanako is an ambitious woman who treats religion like a business, using whatever means bring her the most profit that profit being instead faith. She has a natural presence that can seem intimidating or suspicious at times, but also reliable. Unusually for a god she has little respect for tradition she demands little formality in her worship, and encourages scientific progress. It is somewhat strange for a deity to be knowledgeable and interested about science. She has no hostility towards humans, though as is the case with all deities, she may curse them if they are disrespectful. She also seems to be rather short-tempered, but she is vulnerable to gifts. One of the gods of Yamato the precursor of the modern Japanese state, Kanako took over the kingdom ruled by the native goddess Suwako Moriya by holding out a thin vine that immediately rusted all of Suwako's iron weaponry. However, the inhabitants of Suwako's kingdom found it difficult to accept their new deity. In order to consolidate her newfound realm, she borrowed Suwako's powers. In reality, Suwako still ruled, while Kanako was their deity in name only. However, as time went on humans eventually began to disbelieve in the concept of eternity, which Kanako in part represented. They grew stronger and invented ways of getting around the agricultural problems posed by harsh rain and wind. As their belief in science and information grew, their faith in gods like Kanako waned, and thus did her power. In order to solve this problem, Kanako decided that the most appropriate course of action would be to abandon the human world and gather faith in Gensokyo. It ended up working out quite well, and she started to be worshipped as the deity of the Youkai Mountain. She then realized that, after observing the Hakurei Shrine which, though low on faith, was frequently visited by youkai was the main reason she had been accepted so quickly. Kanako, however, did not forsee the power of those who lived on the mountain, such as the kappa and tengu, growing greater through their worship of her. Worried about the power balance in Gensokyo, she resolved to rein in more believers from elsewhere, and thus decided to utilize the Hakurei Shrine for her own ends. Not much is known about Reimu's history prior to the events of the games. Her earliest mention in the Gensokyo timeline is four to five years prior to Chapter 22 of Curiosities of Lotus Asia, which took place in 2006. ZUN does mention in one of his Shanghai Alice Correspondence documents that there was a previous Hakurei Shrine Maiden, and it's generally assumed that there's a line of them. In Chapter 25 of Wild and Horned Hermit, with night's darkness fast approaching, an annoyed Reimu remarks, Believe not they will be around for you always parents and daylight. The quote was thought to imply that Reimu knew her parents, but they're gone and she's rather bitter about it. However, her line was modified from a haiku about the transient, changing nature of things, the original subjects being parents and money. In chapter 2 of Curiosities of Lotus Asia, I remark, She was an orphan, though the context of this scene suggests that this could just be a throwaway line. Youkai are primarily spiritual beings rather than physical ones. As such they are more vulnerable to faith-based attacks such as charms, wards, etc. than to physical injuries and ailments it's said a youkai can even recover from being cut into pieces, if the damage has insufficient meaning behind it. Some youkai, such as magicians, have bodies more similar to humans and may lack this ability. Related to this, most youkai keep their promises once given. While a human who loses a Spell Card duel can immediately challenge the winner to another, youkai rarely do so. Many youkai are stronger and longer-lived than humans, with lifespans reaching into hundreds of years or more. Marisa claims that Rinnosuke Morichika, who is only half-youkai, has not visibly aged since she was a child. Unlike fairies, however, they are not immortal. Gensokyo youkai tend to live within the wilderness, far away from human settlements. Most youkai are notoriously self-centered and do not travel in groups, but a number of factions exist. The tengu and kappa have a complex society which lays claim to the upper parts of Youkai Mountain and guards its borders jealously, though it is described by as Ran Yakumo as simply a half-hearted attempt to mimic the Outside World. This society was once led by oni before they migrated to the Underworld. The tengu later formed an alliance with the gods of Moriya Shrine after it was transported to Gensokyo. The inhabitants of the Scarlet Devil Mansion have been described as living a lifestyle completely different from both youkai and humans. While Hakugyokurou lies within the Netherworld rather than Gensokyo, travel between the two has become easier in recent years and it is frequently counted among Gensokyo's power blocs. Various hated species of youkai such as satori, tsuchigumo, and oni are found in the Underworld. A treaty with Gensokyo forbids surface youkai from travelling to the Underworld, in exchange for the Underworld youkai agreeing to contain evil spirits left over from the regions that were once part of Hell. Underworld youkai, however, are free to travel to Gensokyo. The recently-founded Myouren Temple preaches an unusual brand of Buddhism which is friendly to youkai, though many of its regulars are drawn to it for non-religious reasons. Since her arrival in Gensokyo, Mamizou Futatsuiwa has gathered large numbers of tanuki and tsukumogami to her side. While she does not hold any position of authority, Yukari Yakumo has negotiated many deals and projects including the Great Hakurei Barrier, and arguably has the most influence of any independent youkai. Yukari is known for being a very youkai-like youkai who sleeps all day and lives for the enjoyment of life. Though she rarely leaves her house, she's well-connected and is acquainted with most of the most powerful youkai as well as anyone having anything to do with the Great Hakurei Barrier or the outside world, although she rarely attacks humans. She has a tendency to toy with her opponents rather than use her full power from the start. If anyone is suited for the role of mastermind, it's Yukari. She excels at mathematics and is experienced due to her long life. She possesses superhuman intellect, and especially surpasses in dealing with numbers. In Bohemian Archive in Japanese Red, as Ran Yakumo said, this intellect is something that even Ran is not able to understand, to the extent that for example that she is able to determine the depths of the darkness of Avici or determine in an instant how long it would take for Ursa Major to devour the North Star, as it seems. Concretely to what extent this amazing intellect goes is hard to know, but it would be no mistake to think that this intellect far surpasses that of humans. She often has a great deal of insight and understanding about whatever happens in Gensokyo, and possesses considerable intellectual prowess, as well. Though she seems flaky and unreliable most of the time, when the safety or security of Gensokyo is at stake, she won't hesitate to get involved, even if it means using others to do the work for her. For example, in Scarlet Weather Rhapsody, she treats Tenshi Hinanawi with much hostility after finding out the plot of the Heavens. She could easily be either a villain or a heroine, depending on her whims. Yukari deals with problems by manipulating others to act to resolve things for her. She seems to rarely act directly except in particularly egregious situations. In all cases, she rarely lets anyone know what her true aims or goals are, and sometimes these goals are extremely abstract. Yukari has a well-deserved reputation of being fickle, whimsical, and lying often, and thus many characters in Gensokyo dislike her. For whatever reason, Yukari takes it all in stride and does not seriously deny any of those comments. She seems to actively try to keep her more obviously-altruistic actions a secret, such as her donations to the Hakurei Shrine in Strange and Bright Nature Deity. She possibly cultivates this image to ensure that people continue to fear her as a youkai, as this is what her true goal for a particularly complex gambit is revealed to be at the end of Cage in Lunatic Runagate. Yukari is with no doubt one of the most powerful youkai in Gensokyo. A few other youkai like Suika Ibuki and Yuugi Hoshiguma have been considered to be around her level. Yukari also refers to Watatsuki no Toyohime as being stronger than she is and tries to avoid direct confrontations with her. Despite her power, she might still lose spell card battles to humans or youkai. Her physical strength is what you'd expect from a youkai. While the extent of an average youkai's strength is never really specified, their bodily ability is typically very high, so her strength is still far from that of a human. There are some examples and statements which show Yukari's physical prowess In Curiosities of Lotus Asia Chapter 12, Yukari's hand is able to effortlessly block and brush aside a mallet swung by Rinnosuke Morichika with all his might, leaving him shocked that a small slender feminine hand was able to pull off such a feat. Rinnosuke said that it feels like he hit a pillow. Hong Meiling, in one of her talk win quotes, notes that she felt a odd resistance from Yukari's body presumably after punching and kicking her a lot, to the point where she wondered if Yukari was wearing something else under that presumably delicate dress of hers. Yukari states in her own win quotes in Immaterial and Missing Power that she has no weaknesses, and even shooting, cutting, stabbing, hitting, or killing her is useless. In Perfect Memento in Strict Sense, her ability is yet again described as being without weaknesses, and as one of the most dangerous that youkai are known to possess. Her Imperishable Night profile also states that she easily has enough power to annihilate all of Gensokyo if she so desires, while the manual says that the danger and potency of her ability is beyond imagination. By mostly moving around in gaps, one would usually not see her as doing much physical labor at all, and according to Scarlet Weather Rhapsody, since she ends up in blurting out herself such sayings like to do mountain climbing at such an age, there is the image that she is like an indoors-type youkai, but in the end, she is still a youkai. ver a thousand years ago, Yukari met and became friends with a human girl named Yuyuko Saigyouji. Over time, Yuyuko was driven to suicide out of despair over her ability to control death. After Yuyuko died, her body was used to seal the Saigyou Ayakashi, a youkai tree which drained the lives of too many humans, by an unknown individual who hoped Yuyuko would never have to suffer and experience pain again. The seal was created as the boundary between life and death. Yukari continued to be friends with Yuyuko's ghost, although Yuyuko gradually forgot who she had been and why she had died. Regarding the Vampire Incident in Perfect Memento in Strict Sense, it is not stated who were the powerful youkai that defeated the vampire, who signed the contract with the vampire, or who was the one who wrote the original draft of the Spell Card rules that came afterwards as it was also written on youkai contract paper, Hieda no Akyuu feels it wasn't the Shrine Maiden. However, the colophon at the end reveals that Yukari is the author of a work called Vampire Pact. This possibly implies her involvement in at least one of these things if not all three in the fact that Yukari may've had been involved in the deal with the devil, Remilia Scarlet. At the very least, Strange Creators of Outer World states that she was apparently involved in the creation of the spell card rules. Yukari has always had a close tie to the Hakurei Shrine maidens, as one meaning of her name is she controls the Shrine Maidens of Gensokyo. Reimu Hakurei, along with Marisa Kirisame, first met Yukari when she asked her to repair the border between the Netherworld and Gensokyo in Perfect Cherry Blossom. However, Yukari indicated she is already familiar with Reimu and Marisa to an unspecified extent. With Marisa, it resulted in Yukari playing a prank on her by keeping her up way past bedtime. As a friend, she often visits Reimu at the Hakurei Shrine and often drops by Marisa's house randomly, to which in Perfect Memento in Strict Sense Marisa complains that Yukari never uses the door. Yukari steals food from Reimu in Perfect Memento in Strict Sense, stays at Reimu's shrine for at least a month into the winter in Curiosities of Lotus Asia, and is among several characters when Reimu complains about youkai visitors to her shrine in Wild and Horned Hermit. She sometimes visits to discuss philosophical matters like in Seasonal Dream Vision, or Strange and Bright Nature Deity where she gave Reimu out-of-season taro roots from the outside world, asking her to think about their meaning. As an employer, she's given Reimu several missions in Subterranean Animism, Imperishable Night and Silent Sinner in Blue. An offhand comment in the first stage of Imperishable Night shows she compensated Reimu for it. As a mentor, she is often teaching Reimu not just about Gensokyo she does that a lot, too, shown several times in Oriental Sacred Place but also how to do her job as Shrine Maiden. She shows up when Reimu purposefully damages the barrier in Curiosities of Lotus Asia to tell her not to do that, reminds Reimu of her youkai-crushing duties in Imperishable Night's extra, and makes Reimu train hard to prepare for Silent Sinner in Blue Curiosities of Lotus Asia states the latter is rare for her. The latter included Yukari attacking Reimu at unannounced times. She seems to be secretly looking after Reimu in other ways, as she sneaks yen donations into the Hakurei Shrine's donation offering box when Reimu isn't looking in chapter of Strange and Bright Nature Deity. Like most characters, Reimu finds Yukari extremely annoying. Yukari doesn't mind, clearly joking How rude. or What a greeting. to such things. In the case of Seasonal Dream Vision for Marisa, she got angry over Yukari's random visit, but it was because Yukari was curious as to Marisa's thoughts on the matter regarding the flower incident, so presumably many of Yukari's other visits to Marisa are for her own amusement, as well. Ran Yakumo is Yukari's main shikigami a nine-tailed fox who received her current name and identity as part of their contract. An interview in Bohemian Archive in Japanese Red with Aya Shameimaru implies that she became Yukari's shikigami because of the power it promised, and is quite satisfied with the result despite losing her freedom. Ran was not born before the Genso-Lunar War, so she must have become Yukari's shikigami sometime after that. Yukari keeps the relationship on a user-to-shikigami level. This relationship is analogous to a user and its computer in the Outside World, and Yukari insists heavily that Ran is not a fox, but is a tool to be used. Yukari's own thoughts and perspective in Chapter Five of Cage in Lunatic Runagate refers to Ran with computer terms, such as programming or debugging. Ran is still more advanced than a computer, so Yukari attempts philosophical discussion with Ran from time to time, but typically gets boring responses involving numbers and calculations. Yukari loves Ran very much, but in terms of how one would love a favorite tool. Ran often forgets she is a shikigami, taking matters into her own hands without Yukari's orders. This can't be helped because Yukari sleeps a lot. Yukari will physically discipline Ran when this happens by whacking her with her umbrella. Using a tool and keeping it in good shape via discipline shows love for your shikigami according to Yukari. Ran accepts and seems satisfied with this, and also seems to care for her master, attempting to encourage Yukari after the second Genso-Lunar War failed. But she won't disagree that her master is annoying and is often driven to much frustration by Yukari's double-speak and secrecy. While being a shikigami, she has the privilege of strong youkai of being able to use shikigami. However, perhaps because she does not have the level of power that Yukari Yakumo has, or perhaps because the power of the youkai turned into a medium wasn't enough, different from herself, Chen has only the level of wisdom of a child. Also, although she's not able to turn against what Yukari says, this doesn't mean that Chen perfectly listens to what Ran says. Because of this, she sometimes has to lure Chen with catnip to make her listen. ukari is Ran's Master. As a shikigami, Ran must do whatever Yukari commands, but since Yukari is asleep most of the time, Ran has a lot of free time. When Ran follows Yukari's will, she can obtain power equal to Yukari's level, becoming much stronger than she usually is. However, Ran sometimes forget that she is a shikigami, and Yukari scolds her. Ran's shikigami. Since their relation is the same that there is between Yukari and Ran, one would expect Chen following anything Ran commands, but is known that Chen is unreliable and it is difficult for Ran to depend upon her. The way her abilities show up in the game itself is that she runs around the screen so freely in a way that is not expected of a boss of a shooting game, which is characteristic of her as one would expect of a cat. This could be considered cute if she were an ordinary cat, but it also makes her slightly more tricky to deal with due to her speed and deceptive movement, which can confuse her opponent. Another characteristic of her is how she spins around and around while attacking, somewhat like her master. In shikigami state, Chen becomes extremely dangerous and is able to use various kinds of sorcery. She uses techniques that focus on speed and precise, tricky movements to confuse her opponents, making it very similar to sleight of hand. For example, she could make it appear as if she is dashing to the left, but will then attack from the right instead, moving so quickly that to humans it appears like instant teleportation. Chen serves as a shikigami to Ran Yakumo, and becomes much stronger when her master is present. However, she hates water, and splashing her will dispel the shikigami possession, making her resort to physical attacks. She is also very fond of catnip, and will lose the will to fight if some is scattered to distract her. Her full name is Chen. In her first appearance, Chen has dark brown eyes, brown hair and wears a green mob cap. She has black cat ears, with a gold earring in the left one, and two tails. Her dress is red with a white bow on the collar, with gold trimming and light pink frills at the bottom. The dress has light pink sleeves. She wears socks and has long hot pink fingernails. Ran Yakumo is her master and Yukari Yakumo is her master's master. Shikigami often share a special link to their masters, which may cause their onmyouji to receive sympathetic injuries dealt to the shikigami. Because of this link and the enormous amount of energy needed to maintain shikigami, onmyouji do not usually summon more than one or two shikigami at a time. Winter drags on past its expiration date in Gensokyo, eventually prompting the three main characters – Reimu Hakurei, Marisa Kirisame, and Sakuya Izayoi – to investigate the cause. Their travels lead them into the Netherworld, where they discover that certain people are attempting to gather the essence of spring for themselves, for some unknown cause. Sakuya tends to be a little spacy, but it's unknown if its just an act. Her behaviour is that of an easy-going person and, although her personality can be seen as perfectly elegant, she possesses a little deviation that she is extra cautious about inability to eat hot foods. From the dictionary, elegance means refined, graceful. Refined means cultured in manners and taste, as well as appearance and Graceful means sensible, sophisticated, neat, and without filth. She uses humble speech to her mistress Remilia Scarlet and friend Patchouli Knowledge, and uses less formal speech to other people. As for her age, ZUN directly stated that she plays the role of a human maid about 10 to 20 years old and perhaps she is a character in her early teens, and in Perfect Memento in Strict Sense, according to Hieda no Akyuu, she claims to be in her late teens, but acts with the mannerisms of someone and the level of her ability seems like that of a human that's been living for more than a hundred years. According to a quote from Remilia Scarlet and Sakuya's ending in a book, Sakuya has been working at the Scarlet Devil Mansion for so long, Remilia doesn't feel it fitting to call her human. With a comment like that, it seems safe enough to assume she has been at the Scarlet Devil Mansion for an extremely long time. Sakuya possesses the ability to manipulate time, where she's able to control the flow of time, such as speeding up time, slowing it down, erasing it, and stopping time altogether. She can also compress the flow of time to make both past and future to exist at the same time, making the same object from different timelines be in many places simultaneously. The extent of her ability lets her not only control the time of the place in which she is, but influence the flow of time of a person, a specific object or even a small zone if she so desires, such as stopping the time of an object and thus affecting the space, making it stand still on thin air or creating time suspension fields where everything inside them will be affected by her ability she can also accelerate or decelerate the movement of objects from slowed down speed to incredibly high speed, to even reaching the speed of light, making it move at tremendous speed. However, as it is difficult to reverse events that have already occurred, and since she is not able to return broken things to how they were originally even if she reversed time, in reality, it is not possible to reverse time. However, she is able to do things to the extent of moving things back to where they were originally. She has shown the ability to erase time of an object from a respective timeline such as erasing bullets of the present and then the future. Sakuya Izayoi is a character that holds a few mysteries. These are theories among the fanbase about the Touhou Project that may or may not be true on most cases. This section will concerns a well-known mysteries in relation to Sakuya Izayoi. Eirin is an interesting person surrounded by many mysteries, and her answers regarding the mysteries about her are incoherent replies. She is generally a fairly pleasant person and is devoted to serving her best friend, Kaguya, but she does not suffer fools gladly, and because of her incredibly high intelligence, she can come across as conceited, impatient and condescending at times to those not sharp enough to follow her explanations immediately. However, she also seems to lack general common sense, most likely due to her not living with humans. A long time ago, Eirin was the Sage of the Moon with her high intelligence and the aid of the former Princess of the Moon, Kaguya, she created the Hourai Elixir and gave it to her. As a result, Kaguya was exiled to Earth as a punishment for drinking the elixir. A few years later, Kaguya had been allowed to return to the moon and, along with other Lunarians, Eirin was sent to Earth as an emissary from the Moon. Eirin felt sorry for Kaguya because she herself wasn't punished even though she was the one who made the elixir. Her desire for redemption was so strong that she was ready to do anything for Kaguya, and so she killed all the other enemies and decided to live on Earth with Kaguya as her own punishment. After living a few hundred years hidden in the Bamboo Forest of Gensokyo, her whereabouts were discovered by the Moon, and led to the Eternal Night Incident, but at the time the incident was resolved, she came to know that even if she did not try to hide the Moon, the Reimu of the Moon wouldn't be able to come here. She has been living as a resident of Gensokyo thereafter. The path between the Moon and the Earth only exists in Gensokyo during a full moon, which is why Eirin and Kaguya conspired to hide it during the events of Imperishable Night. This is possibly because the full moon resembles a mirror, and reflections are a key aspect of traveling to the far side of the Moon. It's difficult to get to the Moon from the Earth, but there are many possible ways to do it, such as manipulation of reflections and boundaries, rocket ships, use of a Lunar Veil or accessing the Dream World. Those who have become awakened to how the Earth consists of infinite possibilities may connect the Moon and the Earth, as well. The Moon is the home to the lunarians and moon rabbits. There are also Moon Rabbits, inhabitants of the Moon who seems to be more powerful than normal Rabbits. Moon Rabbits are seen as tools by Lunarians and are used for a large variety of tasks including farming, pounding medicine, cleaning, and as soldiers in the Moon's war effort. In the Touhou world, the use of rabbits as part of the Moon's population comes from ancient tales in East Asia, possibly related to the fact that ancient Japanese people saw a rabbit on the moon pounding mochi, as opposed to a smiling face. Moon rabbits are not considered to be youkai by the moon inhabitants, and Reisen displays no understanding of the term however, where the moon rabbits came from has not been explained, and as the Lunarians claim to have created youkai in order to regulate the earth, it is possible that the rabbits were created by similar means. Both earth and moon rabbits have a strong connection to other rabbits of the same type. Earth rabbits can sing and dance in unison. Moon rabbits can talk between each other across extremely long distances. It is customary for earth rabbits and a mandatory duty for some moon rabbits to pound mochi into rice cakes. The earth rabbits of Eientei do this during the lunar event, thought up by Eirin to help keep the full moon away, on the night of the full moon. Moon rabbits, coming from a pure land such as the moon, are supposed to be close to immortal. After taking good care of her health and living for a long time, Tewi Inaba became a youkai rabbit. She had become known as the Rabbit of Good Fortune amongst humans, for the good luck she brought them. She is more than 3,000 years old inferred from a statement she made in Chapter 18 of Silent Sinner in Blue where she said she knew Lord Daikoku also known as Ookuninushi personally and was confident that he made better medicine than even that which Eirin Yagokoro was preparing. It's possible that she's the White Hare of Inaba, itself. She has existed since the Bamboo Forest of the Lost was known as The Tall Grass Cluster and is said to be the only being that knows it completely. However, it appears she never found out that Lord Daikoku, whom she reveres so much, was taken captive and is sealed at his shrine in Izumo to this day. She and the earth rabbits continue to pound mochi in his name much to Reisen's annoyance, who was insisting on them pounding it in a Lunarian figure's name. Tewi had lived in the Bamboo Forest before Eientei was built. Despite Kaguya Houraisan's power over eternity concealing it, in Cage in Lunatic Runagate Tewi said that she knew that it was always there. She finally made herself known to Eirin Yagokoro after a few hundred years. By then, Tewi had already achieved enlightenment. She was master of the Bamboo Forest and the rabbits that lived there. Eirin and Tewi made a deal. Tewi would protect Eientei from humans, and in return, Eirin would spread her knowledge to the rabbits. Perhaps this was so the beasts could keep up with the youkai, Youkai Mountain, humans, and later vampires in Gensokyo's delicate power balance in Perfect Memento in Strict Sense. Tewi abides by that deal to this day, when she isn't playing pranks on Reisen Udongein Inaba or scamming Gensokyo's general populace, at least. She had dark red eyes. Despite what is stated above, it is still the best source for official and canonical information on the series, so one should not think everything in it cannot be trusted. Reisen has the ability to sense and manipulate waves of all kinds, localised in her Lunatic Red Eyes. Her signature use of this ability is manipulating brain waves through eye contact, allowing her to induce madness or hallucinations depending on the strength of her opponent's will. By increasing the frequency of brainwaves she can make a person short-tempered and irrational, or by reducing them can leave her target apathetic and depressed. Reisen can also manipulate light and sound waves to deceive the senses indirectly, from concealing the paths of her danmaku, to creating after-images of herself, to casting wide-area illusions that cause people to get lost. Finally, she is capable of releasing waves from her eyes in a destructive blast. Reisen returns as the fourth playable character in book. When playing as her, she can shoot white bullets upwards and have purple bullets spread as a wide shot. If focused, all her bullets will shoot directly vertical. She has eyes and surround her to shoot the purple bullets, and if her power increases, she can shoot more bullets. Her bomb is unique in that, rather than turning invincible and damaging enemies, she'll instead have three red rings around that, basically, gives her three extra lives. If all lives aren't used by the end of the stage, then the bomb will end. Kaguya has a rather carefree personality. She apparently is refined in the art of conversation, but her spoken language is a bit dated. Eternity is namely immutability, and it can be said that eternity rejects all change. Things that possess eternity indefinitely don't change, and also cannot be interfered by things outside of it. Counting from when Kaguya came to Gensokyo, she has lived hidden away definitely for hundreds of years, but until the eternal night incident, she continued having an existence in the interior of the Bamboo Forest of the Lost without anybody knowing about them. Also, the pure Japanese-style building Eientei can be seen not to have worn out at all, which can be said to have been due to this ability of eternity. At least as of now, since for Eientei, the change of others coming to visit so to speak, has become an ordinary daily occurrence, it has already become non-eternal. Incidentally, as the Hourai Elixir made by Kaguya's ability of eternity is something that makes the consumer have a body that rejects all change, it can't simply be said to be a kind of maximised, self-healing ability due to this, it's said that a the whole-body can recover from a single hair, as for Fujiwara no Mokou. In the last spell card End of Imperishable Night which used this ability, it destroyed Reimu Hakurei and the others spell of eternity, and forcibly called for dawn. It's namely the gaps, the instant that's impossible to recognise the existence of anything else. Kaguya, in being able to manipulate the instantaneous, is able to mish-mash the needed instants and make them her own time. However, whatever she gathers together, since the fact that they're the unrecognisable instant can't be changed, she has no means of knowing what's within the instant. For this reason, in manipulating the instantaneous, Kaguya's able to spend time the same as others and time different from others simultaneously. Hieda no Akyuu presented this as having parallel timelines at the same time. In the nineteenth chapter of Silent Sinner in Blue, as the instantaneous is the smallest unit of time, time is able to accumulate countless instants. Watatsuki no Toyohime explained that to see time as continuous is due to the inability to recognise the instant. Since her ability can be said to be the ability to manipulate complete stop is eternity and extreme speed-up is instant, Akyuu also summarised it as an ability to manipulate time. This seems very similar to Sakuya Izayoi's ability to manipulating time. If I die in the land of the dead would I be sent to the land of the dead again. I'll tell you a secret. My weakness is nothing. Ordinary people would go insane in less than five seconds. Are you okay, Marisa. Yeah I'm insane to begin with. There was a picture. The newspaper it was in has already been published. Secretly taking pictures. That's one bad hobby. It's so fun just to imagine what that large thing of yours tastes like. Genocide is just another game. Genocide leads to one of the three main endings. Genocide occurs when the protagonist kills every enemy in every region. This requirement must be done before approaching the final encounter of that area. The mood of this song is pretty depressing. Feels like a gloomy, rainy day at the Scarlet Devil Mansion. I think I'm going to play this off of my last story- The beginning scenario depicts Remilia standing alone in her room. Since it was raining and cloudy out, her curtains were opened, which was a rarity. Remilia was staring out of her window silently. It had been a couple days since Remilia had left that forsaken hallway. Now she couldn't stop thinking about it. It had been hundreds of years since Remilia last saw Flandre. When Flandre was locked away, at first Remilia could hardly accept it. But now, after hundreds of years she had learned how to deal with it. Forget all about it. Act like it never happened. Move on. There was nothing she could do about it. so why bother.. Remilia had repressed it all entirely from her conscience and completely forgotten about her sister. As a result though, she had unknowingly formed a shell around herself. No-one ever got close to her again. It was all fine though since she was the widely feared and prestigious Scarlet Devil. After all, she was far too powerful to possibly stoop herself to the level of petty little emotions.But Remilia was really just playing with her own mind. that fearsome title was nothing but an excuse. an excuse for her loneliness, an excuse for her isolation. Remilia was deeply pondering to herself when she was interrupted. She saw a reflection in the window she was staring through. Sakuya had silently appeared in the doorway carrying a silver platter. Your tea, my lady. Sakuya soundlessly put the platter down on the stand next to Remilia's bed. Sakuya began to leave but stopped short just outside of the doorway. Is there anything else you need my lady. Remilia could hear the concern in Sakuya's voice. Sakuya had noticed how Remilia was increasingly quiet as of late. Remilia usually made little quirks and teasing remarks, but lately she hadn't been talking at all. That would be all Sakuya. Sakuya hesitated for a moment as if searching for something to say. But she couldn't find any words to voice. Very well. Sakuya closed the door behind her leaving Remilia to herself. Remilia let her breath go. She hadn't even noticed she was holding it in the first place. She closed her eyes. She had been thinking too much lately. She took a deep breath and relaxed for a moment. In her mind a memory began forming again. Instead of resisting as usual she let it take hold. Remilia opened her eyes to find herself in Flandre's playroom again. It wasn't the haunting, evil room that she had set foot in a couple days ago. It was the brightly colored room that Remilia, up until now, had locked away in her mind. Flandre was sitting at the little play table and motioning with her doll. Remilia was doing the same with her own doll. I'm tired of playing with dolls. Flandre groaned. She put down her little mimic doll. Why don't we play hide-and-go-seek again. Flandre smiled that smile again, that same smile that Remilia loved so dearly. Her little fangs protruded from her mouth and Remilia just wanted to pinch those adorable little cheeks. How can I say no to that face. Remilia inquired, smiling back. Yay. Remilia was quickly rewarded with a even lovelier smile as Flandre grinned even brighter. You hide this time. When I hide you always find me so fast. Remilia frowned. Flandre was notorious for cheating. She was probably going to cheat again. Fine, but you better not peek this time. Flandre nodded eagerly and turned around to face the wall. She began counting slowly. Remilia looked around scanning her surroundings. She saw a spot that met her conditions in a corner that was covered by stuffed animals. She quickly ran over and ducked in. Flandre turned around and smiled..then she immediately started running towards Remilia's hiding spot. Cheater. Remilia yelled before bursting from her hiding spot and running to avoid Flandre’s outstretched arms. Stuffed animals flew into the air from the act. Flandre laughed as she chased Remilia around the room. Flandre chased Remilia around the room a couple times smiling that stupid, little grin. Remilia ran awkwardly away from her little sister. Remilia's face beamed red as she ran. Cheater. Cheater. Cheater. Che-Aahh. Remilia tripped over a stuffed animal as she was running and landed smack-dab on her face. Flandre ran over grinning and kneeled down. She poked Remilia in the back. Gotcha. Flandre grinned devilishly. Remilia turned her beet red face towards Flandre.  You're such a freaking cheater Flan.  They both laughed. Remilia opened her eyes again, her heart pumping. But all there was to see was her own reflection in her window. Remilia closed her eyes, her lips quivering. The rain pattered against the glass as tears began to stream down her face. I walk through the Torii and stop for a moment and take in the beautiful view and then catch my breath from the aforementioned view that stole it. I notice the shrine on my right out of the corner of my eye and painfully withdraw my sight away from the aethstetically pleasing enviornment in front of me.and analyze not only the rather plain shrine, but the interestingly pretty shine maiden on the porch of said shine. She had rather fair skin for an asian, comparing that to the typical Tokyo folk, who seemed a bit more rugged than what I thought I would see when I came to japan, though I do believe my opinion on Japanese folk was pretty spot on, even though it gave great credit towards them. All in all, I think it was a great opinion to have, But back to the subject at hand. Among the other features she had, was silky and colorful brown hair with a red-white bow in it. Below that was a strikingly cute face however with a few jagged edges that hinted at that there was more to her than she looks, the kind of look that made seem like she was ready for anything. She wore your average shine maiden dress and at the moment was sweeping the porch of the shrine. Half of myself was telling me to hide in the nearby trees and bushes on my left and see what she does and the other telling me to walk up to her and announce my presence to her. Before I could render a conclusion upon this impasse, I was spotted by her and her eyes widened as if on que. I immediately focused on her and her reaction as she studied me in voracious detail. From what I could tell, she seemed most intrigued by my eyes, probably the shape since I knew Gensokyo was an isolated country. As I began to wonder if she ever saw a foreigner before, her eyes took a slightly conservative stance and her mouth opened and and asked Anata wa dare desu ka. . Not even moments later was I frivolously searching through my internal japanese dictionary for a proper response and my interpretation centers came online. I soon found one. As I was about to respond, she said Nevermind, you re an outsider, right. Come with me. and she walked inside the main structure of the shrine. I promptly followed as asked. She came to a halt at a table and sat in seiza. I assumed the same position at the other side of the table figuring that she wanted me to sit down as we were probably going to be here for a while. I felt the feeling of thed impending impact of the flurry of questions she was about to bring upon me. First of all, what is your name, mine is Hakurei Reimu. I promptly responded with My name is Daniel Mayweather, I- Suddenly I am cut off by the sound of rending timbers and shattering pottery. Still unfazed by the noise, she gets up and says Wait here a moment, I ll be right back. She exits out of the sliding door we came through in and I begin to hear Reimu shouting SUIKA.. In the name of all that is good and holy, what are you doing.. I then hear the voice of a different girl, much more childish. It wasn t my fault Reimu, this black and white girl came carreening through here like it was some kind of racing tournament. And then the voice of yet another girl, deeper this time. The name s Marisa, Marisa Kirisame, not Black and White.  Na, Reimu, what s goin on, da ze.. As if on que, I then hear the sound of skin rapping against skin.hard. Ouch, what was that for.. I moved toward the door, opened it and saw Reimu standing right outside the shed next to the shrine. Whats wrong is that you re causing problems.  But I just wanted to say- She was cut of by the sound of a card being swipped out of a pocket. Get out or Fantasy Heaven, your choice.  The girl with the childish voice (whose name I think is Suika) cut in to the conversation by asking Reimu, I don t mean to butt in the middle of something important but who was it you were talking to earlier, I couldn t hear what you were saying very well, but I know that you were talking to someone while I was in the shed. I instinctively closed the door, but just a little too loudly.. What was that. The deeper voiced girl (whose name I think is Marisa Kirisame) responded.  Anyway, don t eavesdrop on other peoples conversations, and second, it s none of your buisness and doesn t concern you.  I don t think you should be saying that. Kirisame ended the sentence with a chuckle. And I don t think you should start randomly walking in to my shed uninvited either.  So who is this mysterious person, an outsider, a shy resident from the human village, A secret lover.  Hey, are you even listening to me, I said get out.  Fine, fine. I quickly hid at the back of the shrine, and silently for the fear of that girl coming in here. But first, I m going to check inside here. And so did my fears come true. Ugh, I swear this girl doesn t understand the idea that maybe I don t want her here. Marisa just get out of my home already. I feel your pain Reimu, I feel your pain. There s nothing here, Reimu, what gives. I then hear the sliding door open up beside me. Ahah. Found you. I slowly turn my head to the left to see a cheerful face in front of mine. Ah he s a foreigner. Marisa exclaims. A foreigner. Suika and Reimu question. One moment I was hiding next to a sliding door, the other I was sitting at the same table I sat with Reimu earlier, now including A girl that looks like a western witch, yes hat and everything minus the black cat and an orange haired girl with horns, a blue dress, and a tatered shirt, thankfully not tattered enough to show anything illicit. Yeah a foreginer is a person that isn t of Japanese ethnicity or in other words a person that wasn t born in japan  I know that already, but I thought I would never get to see one in person. replied Reimu. But the problem here is that he might not understand Japanese, right Marisa. Said Suika That s right, I want to see if he does though. Marisa turned toward me and said Watashi no koto wa suki da. with a smile you d think is impossible for a human being. I replied with Ore mo suki desu yo. then smiled. Bikurishita. Marisa Exclaimed. Reimu then mentioned I already knew he was able to speak Japanese, I was just waiting for you to say that. Marisa then frowned at Reimu, while Reimu did the opposite toward her, she smirked. I took hold of the conversation by saying: My name is Daniel Mayweather, I m not from the country of Japan, rather from the country of America which is across the Pacific Ocean and- Reimu then cut me off Stop, you re making my head hurt, I have not a clue on the geology of the outside world nor to I intend to get a lesson on it now. I then frowned at Reimu for her cutting me off and being rude. Normally Yukari is the one in charge of the illusions leading outsiders away from the shrine but it just happens to be the time of year when she is hibernating, and normally Humans that intend to stay are sent to the Human Village, but due to you being a foreginer and all I m not sure you would blend in with those kinds of eyes, everyone who has passed through that Torii has been Japanese or looked Japanese enough, but you, you re different you don t look japanese at all, and Yukari is asleep so. Her voice trailed off. Well I guess that s good for me because I don t intend to stay here forever, I came here on a research trip, A favor for two friends in Kyoto, if you will. I explained. So where do you intend to stay, you are staying for a while though, right., Reimu asked Becauase you aren t staying at this shrine.  Well you ve got a point, since this is your shrine, so you make the rules here.  Damn straight. Reimu stated. I ll take him in Marisa replied Seriously. Me and Reimu asked at the same time. Well it s not a problem for me, and Alice takes in the occasional human so, why can t I try.  Because he is planning to stay with you long term.  Still, can t hurt to try, can it.  Well I guess not, but he s your problem now, ok. So whatever he does is your responsibility. I turned toward Reimu You make it sound like I m her pet.  Well considering your abilities in the field of magic. I decided not to mention I was studying western magic long before coming to Gensokyo. Either way you two need to leave now, since I need to get to sleep.I looked out side and noticed it was dark, very dark. I guess we better get going then. I asked Marisa. Yup, we should. We said out goodbyes and walked out the door.It was pitch black outside except for the moon. She pulled a broom out of Reimu s shed and put it between her legs and said Get on I nervously got on behind her and as we rose into the air my eyes widened. Beautiful night, huh. She asked. Yeah I responded quietly. I closed my eyes, and heard faintly in my heard Ai Otsuka singing Planetarium. Eventually I couldn t resist and opened my eyes. The view was beautiful as I saw the moonlight shine over the land and the beautiful silence in the air except for the wind. I was broken out of my wistful trance by Marisa asking a question out of the blue. Hey, I m just curious, what kind of girls do you like.  My, my, flirting with me already. Am I really that handsome. I just met you and you re asking these kinds of questions already, is it love at first sight, are you just trying to be friendly.  Ha, ha, very funny. She replied. If you really must know, I m into short haired girls but long haired girls with dual braids are fine too. As for the personality, I like the quiet types especially if the re timid. But if you re asking my opinion of you, I think you re fine the way you are. And before she could even process it I added: You better not take that as a misunderstanding, I have bad luck with making friends as it is, and I REALLY don t need to get off on the wrong foot here.  No worries, I understand where you re coming from, and I take it you have even worse luck with women in a more than friend sense, too.  Bingo. I heard her chuckle. So tell me about yourself, Daniel.  Well I m a 16 year old child prodigy who made it into college at the age of 15 and moved to a host family in Kyoto, Japan to become a Psychiatrist.  Though I don t understand what half of those words mean, Colleges are the main education facilities in the outside world and in order to get a career which earns enough money to make a comfortable living, you need to go through college, right.  Seems like you ve been studying up on our world.  Isn t that kind of obvious.  Somewhat, you re clothing isn t exactly up to date with japan fashon trend.  I know that much silly, but it s not like it matters much here in Gensokyo does it now.  You ve got a point Silence reigned for a few minutes until she asked Hey Daniel, I saw in a book somewhere that people tend to get into college at the age of 18 right.  Right.  So that means you re super smart, right.  Yup, I used my vacation time to get the classes I needed done, its not like I had friends to spend the time with anyway. I felt a dark mood decend upon us two I quickly added: Hey it s not like I could do anything about it, my social skills were pretty much nil since I used to play video games all the time when I was younger. Thankfully, she took advantage of the last sentence to raise the mood. Those are those interactive moving picture games right.  Yup I have some on me right now, you can try them out when we get to your house but they re all in english so.  And whaddya know we re here, I look down and noticed an outcropping we were decending towards which had two houses across from each other but I couldn t make out the features very well due to the darkness. This is where you re going to be staying for now, kay. I replied with Alright, da ze.  Hey, thats my phrase, don t use it on your own accord. She lit some candles when we got inside. The place was a complete mess with books strewn around everywhere. Sorry for the mess.,ze. Giving a sigh in disbelief, I said It s fine, I ll make do.  Make yourself at home, I m going to sleep.  Oyasuminasai. She then replied with: Oyasumi. and left the room. I picked a random book out of a random stack, it said Guide to the Chinese Elements, vol.1, Set 3. I opened the book, looked at the inside cover and it said Property of the Voile Library, Scarlet Devil Mansion. I put book down and picked up another book, it said Mushroom Cusine, Vol.2, and inside the cover it said the same thing: Property of the Voile Library, Scarlet Devil Mansion, I picked up another book, looked inside the cover, same thing. I did this for about ten books and after that I wasn t feeling too sure about Marisa anymore. Best Case Scenario, she s just a klutz. I thought to myself. Worst Case Scenario, she s a theif. I check the the couch for any unintended pointy objects lying around and layed down and eased myself to sleep after putting out the candles, the last concious thought I had that night was Tommorow will be special, Yesterday was not. Yuyuko, pointing at Hakugyokurou: this house is haunted because I live here. Reimu, transitioning from PC98: Why is my yin yang orb 2inches across? Why is my hair not purple anymore? Why does my bow have white bands? I DON'T LIKE CHANGE? Alice, knitting a new doll: Haunted Shanghai that drinks all my tea and calls me a bitch. Yuuka, invading Makai: I came out to attack people and I'm honestly having such a good time right now. Tewi: (to Kaguya) Eirin said it's my turn to use the Xbox. Orin: Okuu just called me a pussy for putting on sunscreen. Imagine thinking youre tougher than the sun? The fucking sun??? Akyuu: (singing) Forever young I want to be Forever young. Youmu: Gardening has this reputation as a gentle and chill hobby but you know what? Gardening is actually a constant and brutal conflict between the human need for control and the will of life to spread, a battle between life and death itself. In the garden, I am the utlimate jud. Seiga: Just to clear some rumors! I DO have blood and I DO have all of my bones I grew them myself and didn't take them from anyone so please stop asking! Junko, on her way to the Lunar Capital: im dealing with my shit the way im dealing with my shit. are my methods unhealthy? yes. is it effective? no. am i going to change what im doing? no. Remilia: if you don't think im a princess you're 100% right im the fucking queen. Mokou, flirting: I'd let you kill me. Yuuka: so tired of being a youkai I want to be a flower. Momiji: Aya gets distracted by loud noises, the color red, smooth jazz, shiny things, food smells, music boxes, shiny things, boobs, barking dogs, and anyone saying Look over there!. Ran: i am so proud of my cat i leave my human food on the table in front of her and she does not eat because she knows that's illegal. Marisa: I could never pass for straight. I keep turning spells gay just by trying to use them. Kanako: i love it when my enemies succeed because that means i'll have to succeed more than them. Miko: I've only known Kokoro for a day and a half. But if anything happened to her, I would kill everyone in this village and then myself. Marisa, breaking into the Scarlet Devil Mansion: (hacker voice) I'm in. Okina: (grabs a megaphone) HELLO!! I AM A SECRET GOD!!! SECRET!!! PLEASE PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! I'M HERE NOW I HAVE CAUSED THIS WONDERFUL INCIDENT FOR YOU TO ENJOY SHH DO NOT TELL ANYONE FOR I, THE SECRET GOD HAVE CAUSED TH. Remilia: "What are you twelve?" Yeah on a scale of 1 to 10 bye. Hecatia: (about Junko) Friends that sin together win together. Reimu: imagine having money wow i just got chills. Raiko, at an interview: If you can hear anything over our music it's not loud enough. Wriggle: Due to the lack of cicadas so far this summer I will climb the trees and scream in their absence. Yukari: im not like other teenagers im 51. Joon: I don't "dress to impress" I dress to depress I wanna look so good that people hate themselves. Minamitsu: this is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING. Aya, about to fight Okina: (youtube voice) Hello YouTube! Have you ever seen a God die? Joon: He asked me what my sign is and I just said "dollar". Marisa: Lady Mima could kick your ass so dont make fun of her. My dad made fun of her and then she beat him up and now Lady Mima is my dad. Youmu: I grew up in a house with Lady Yuyuko, ok? If you didnt eat fast, you didnt eat. Reimu: (fighting Yukari) Im not afraid to hit an old lady. Marisa: Im not a heterophobe, but, like in a hetero relationship which one is the girl and which ones the other girl?? Yuyuko: I visited the satoris mansion last night and she just narrated her dogs thoughts for two and a half hours. I was enthralled. I didnt say one word, I just listened. Medicine: Im gonna replace all the skin on my body with poison, and if someone punches me theyre gonna be in for a surprise (the poison). Hatate: Aya put salt in my coffee because I annoyed her but Im going to continue to drink it because Im petty and wont let her win. Koishi: I was put on this earth to do one thing but luckily I forgot what it was so I can do whatever I want. Yuugi: (to Satori) No matter how shitty or insecure you feel, remember that my muscles are massive and I can punch through walls. Okina: Maybe if you stanned me this wouldn't have happened. Kosuzu: maybe the youkai in disguise were the friends we made along the way. Seiga: you call it a near-death experience, i call it a vibe check from god. Kanako: this is sanae and this is my bastard wife suwako. Urumi: what if i handed you this stone baby... and you sunk to the bottom of the river and died .. haha .... just kiddinggg ... unless ? Eika: ok so basically, im baby. Kutaka: stop saying i look like chicken little. hes dumb, and hes a coward. and iM NOT A COWARD!! Eika: *slaps her head* this baby can stack so many stones. Byakuren: i hate seiga kaku. what the fuck is "taoism"????? bitch im gonna kill you. Sumireko (to doppelganger): You might know everything I'm going to do, but that's not going to help you since I know everything YOU'RE going to do! STRRAANGE, ISN'T IT?! Satori: I'll never forget the day Okuu walked into my room and announced she had eaten god. Chen: i Amn just........... a litle creacher. Thatse It . I Canot change this. Alice: please stop praying for my mom shes grown too powerful shes broken out of the pandemonium and reimu says spellcards don't work on her. Yuuka, to Shinki: your daughter calls me mommy too :). Kagerou: (to Wakasagihime) If you don't have the time and money for both a girlfriend and a dog, then I, a terrifying werewolf, am an excellent bargain. Futo: (holds out 12 candy wrappers on a paper plate) please dateth me. Sakuya: oh no, my knives. there's knives everywhere (bends over seductively to pick up knive) (bends over seductively to pick up knive) (bends over seductively to pick up knive) (bends over seductively to pick up knive). Sagume: this tweet will be unpopular. Sumireko: Alexa, kill this clownpiece. Junko: retweet if youre gay and crave vengeance. Miko: the good may die young, but the truly excellent get resurrected in time for future plot points. Sanae: You can Naruto Run but you can't Naruto Hide. Kyouko: IF THE ZOO BANS ME FOR HOLLERING AT THE ANIMALS I WILL FACE GOD AND WALK BACKWARDS INTO HELL. Kyouko: stop calling me cute im not cute im punk i have 0 feelings and eat sheets of metal for breakfast. Kanako: ah yes, snakes. the long dogs. the ploppy puppies. the lively noodles. the snoot boops. the excited spaghettis. Alice: (walks out of her house to see rafflesia on her step) is she threatening me? flirting with me? i just don't know anymore. Sumireko: (youtube voice) wHAT'S UP GUYS!! Today we're gonna head straight into the mountains and see how many knives get thrown at us! Remember to SMASH that like button if you like what you're seeing and sub for more spooooooky content! Sumireko, getting hit by Reimu's danmaku: this is so sad can we get 100 likes. Sumireko: (vlogger voice) HEY GUYS IM IN THE MIDDLE OF A DANMAKU STORM RIGHT NOW THE DUMB BITCH THINKS SHES GOT ME CORNERED BUT JOKES ON HER THERES A SAFE SPOT 47 DEGREES WEST OF THE INCOMING LASER I'LL TALK TO YOU GUYS IN A BIT. Clownpiece: hey. its me. clownywise,, do u want ur 1cc?? come and get it,, its all urs. Yumemi: This is so sad Ruukoto play Necrofantasia. Cirno, flying through Youkai Mountain: "Road Work Ahead"????? uhh-- yeah i sure hope it does. Mystia: two girls chillin in a hot spring not even 5cm apa. Sumireko: Why would you want my phone number? It's completely useless. The best way to contact me is to fill a human skull with acorns and shake it endlessly into the night. Rin Satsuki: Me? Canceled. Reisen: my dream job is being the guy who shoots holes into each individual cheerio with a handgun. Koishi: name a more iconic duo than my inappropriately intense emotions and my chronic feelings of emptiness ill wait. Remilia: Whatever, solar eclipses aren't nearly as cool as lunar eclipses. A lunar eclipse is at NIGHT and the MOON turns BLOOD RED and you don't need dumb sunglasses to watch it. It's goth as hell. Fuck the sun. Remilia: Vampires suck your blood to get Vitamin D because they can't go out in the . Reisen: (holds a baby carrot like a cigarette) I'm just..... over it, you know? Suika: replacing my hea. Seiga: (YouTube voice) WHATS UP YOUTUBE! Today we're gonna do another unboxing video! (a shovel in hand, she enters the grave). Marisa: sometimes "brb" stands for "be ready bitch" so you gotta be careful. Junko: I am not "full of hate" as though I were some passive container. I am a generator of hate, my hate is a renewable source. Like sunshine. Kagerou: (to Wakasagihime) are lesbian mermaids called h2omosexuals? Parsee: me? a jealous hoe? absolutely. Hello you stupid motherfuckers. Okay, just leave it to Marisa! You heard Lady Mima. She's too busy to deal with you now. Just wait here and play with me for a little while. Although, I doubt she'd mind if I just defeated you here... Kyahahahaha! Lady Mima, I'm sorry! Hm, so Reimu's not interested. That must mean... Wow, really? Hey, what's it say? fufufu... That was a piece of cake. You're always like that(how?), so you're weak. C'mon, start training more! I beat Lady Mima. Ufu, ufu, ufufufufu... Ufu, ufu, ufufufufufufufu... So, you use magic, too... An incomprehensible kind. ...A princess? I can't see your face. What human are you? ...human? You seem to have some pretty powerful magic... So why are you dressed like that? What was that? That was pretty interesting. See you later! Now there's only Reimu... Ufufufufu. I'll show you some REAL magic!! Naturally, I am the strongest. Ufufufufu, I beat them all!♥ Yeah, I've finally reached the ruins. So, what do I get?♥ ...Wait... ...This is a ruin? Eyaah!? W-w-what?? Say what!? (Takarazuka accent) ...This doesn't look like a ruin.... It's more like a crazy mansion. Now, wai-- What's going on? Who are you? Ship? This is a ship? So, it's not some crazy mansion, but a crazy, broken-down old ship. You've never seen magic before? Wait, I don't get it. You're gonna give me something, right? Didn't you write this pamphlet!? Ahahahahahaha💧 But you're gonna give me something, right? Ok, ok, so you want to test me, then!♥ I wonder what I should wish for! What!? Uh, that's pretty greedy, I think. I'm not just some "thing", you know... There's a chance, at least... Well, let's fight and find out then! Hurry it up... Same to you. Ahaha~ Hmhmhmhm ♥... HmhmhmHmhmhm ♥... What kinds of things can you do? I seeee... Well, what if I want you? Well, how about Chiyuri? Come ooon! Aren't you going to give me anything? Weirdo. I don't want you! Come on, I was only joking... Anywaaay. What I'd like is a weapon. Something that can be used even without magic. I want a weapon from your world. Alright, that works! Hey, Reimu! I've come to play! Oh, this? Her name is Mimi-chan. She's a weapon called an ICBM. Not a clue. But isn't she cute? Hmm... What the heck is this magic power? This is lovely! Where's this crazy amount of magic power coming from? Oh? What is this? I can't go any further. Just a little bit of work. It is, so move. You're in the way! I'll say it again. You're in the way. Would you move?💢 Well then, I'll help myself ♥. So long. You're just a first stage boss, after all. All right, on to the next thing... You're in the way, little bird. Just get out of the way. I'm in a hurry. Hmm, hang on. Didn't I just see you before? I thought you were just a small fry. Yeah, yeah. Really weak. And you aren't even human. I wonder where the entrance is...!! Who's there? Perfect timing. Where's the entrance? A shrine maiden!? That must be Reimu. And I'm betting you lost to that shrine maiden. Hmm ♪. I see, is that so?♪ Time to tail Reimu! I'm not letting her get there first!! Pitch black in here... Heehee!♥ Well, it has nothing to do with you. I wouldn't say "devious", exactly... Sorry, no can do. At least, not until I make all the magic power here mine. Hehehehe♥... Farewell, Reimu. I'll pray your soul rests in peace. Whoops ♥. This is... amazing! !? Who's there!? Ah, sorry. But I need you to stick around for just a little longer. Don't go to sleep! I'm going to defeat you and make that power mine! Though if you're sleeping, winning will be a piece of cake ♥. Really. C'mon, let's get started ♥. If it's going to bring me a boring life, I'd rather die! What!? Where'd you go!? .......... Hm... I don't want to admit it, but I can't feel her presence at all. Looks like this is it for me... Gah! That was sloppy of me. I wasn't expecting her to be so strong... Hmm... Guess it'd be a good idea to brush up on my skills a bit more. Ahh, maybe later.♥ I'll go see what Reimu is up to and pick on her for a while. Ahahahahaha...💧 Come on, it happens all the time.♥ Better hit the books (the magic books.).💧 Better train hard.💧  Do you think I'm going to let you get away? So you're over there! Mhm, mhm, hmhmhmhmhmhm... I caught up with you! We just met!! Don't "and?" me!! Cut the chitchat and get started already!! The battle! Don't take me lightly. Finally. I'll be serious too. Here I come!! Ah, that was fun!♥ Man, cutting loose with my magic like that sure feels great! Whew...☆ Still, I wonder what the ruckus was about this time... Why did those evil spirits even come here to the human world? ...Could it be? Could it be that some suspicious people performed a suspicious ceremony to summon them here? Could it be that someone was trying to spread their suspicious religion? Could it be that someone was trying to infect the humans with a suspicious virus? Strange, strange things indeed... Anyway, now that they have been dealt with, let's see if I can get Reimu to come hang out with me somewhere. Yo!☆ You there, Reimu? We got some time to kill, so let's go hang out somewhere. I'm so bored. Sure did. So, let's get going. Haven't decided yet. Come on, let's move out!♥ Well, this is going to take a while. Ahahahahaha!☆ If you say so.💧 Hmm, well, in a word, weird. She was pretty weak too. But there was a lot more to her than that. We've arrived. Well, that's, you know...💧 What, she isn't home? She's not here? She's not here, am I right? Hmm... Let's leave her a bomb as a gift.☆ Oh, you are here. With what? Hmm, the job... (Exterminating the youkai.) ...♥ Can I help you?♥ Because it's fun.♥ Huh?💧 Uhm... Well, okay. Shrine materials can be interesting. Maybe I'll find the secret to immortality. Hmm... Oh, I see. So that's how Reimu can seal evil spirits without defeating them... Yeah...  ...Those were some tough enemies. And there's someone here!? My, who might you be? I'm just killing time. So, I'll need you to go along with me. Then maybe I'll stop. That's it? Sister? Seems it's one after the other today. I'm just here to kill time💧... That was fun~☆ Let's play again sometime. Exactly!☆ Hmm... Makai, huh? That could be fun. Right, I wonder how I'm supposed to even get in.💧 I've always wanted to visit Makai!♥ So, I wonder how I get there.💧 !? Great timing!♥ You look like you can tell me how to get into Makai. I wonder if we could just skip all that and you just tell me what I want to know.♪ Then I'll help myself!☆ Okay, bye!♥ Okay, I think I made it! What do you want? Huh.💧 I am, but... Man, people from Makai sure are annoying.💧 If I wasn't strong, I wouldn't come to a place like this. Looks like these Makai folk aren't all that strong... Wow, you've got some nerve!💢 Do you want to try me? What? Why? Welp, guess it can’t be helped. Apply yourself a little more. This isn't good... I have no idea where I should be going... We? Ah, there you are. So, where are you going to guide me? Well, isn't that lovely! I'll catch up later, so why don't you go on ahead.♥ Don't take up so much of my time, please! Now, onward and upward! !? You were all talk. I wonder where I can find someone stronger. Who's there!? I see... And? I dunno, sightseeing?💧 Well, I was just thinking about heading home anyway... Like "that"?💧 Um, excuse me, but aren't you forgetting about someone? Like, your opponent?💢 I hope you've prepared yourself!! Now to give that uppity lady of yours a piece of my mind!! Show yourself! Maybe I'll defeat you, too, since I'm here already. I just don't feel like losing. C'mon, let's get started.♥ Once I've defeated you, then I can move on to the next strongest. !! ... I see, that's too bad. Isn't calling it "bogus" just an excuse that losers make? Oh, I would be SO happy to see it.♥ Ugh...💧 Ugh, this sucks...💧 ...... But oh well, I won't be going back to Makai.♥ Since I don't want to fight with her... So, why don't we get along peacefully?♥♥ ...... Heh, as if something like that would ever happen!🌩️🌩️🌩️ I have to train, train! Losing to her is unforgivable! Let's go, Reimu! Let's train! Just stop complaining and come with me!🌩️ Shut up, shut up! We'll train until I'll be able to defeat her!! You're not that powerful, are you? Eh? Didn't I tell you from the start? If I defeat the god of Makai, I'll become a god myself.♥ ...Well, I never actually said that, but... Really? Well, I wasn't going to, anyway.♥ I just came to Makai for sightseeing.♥ Well, I came to play, really. Well, since I'm worn out from playing, I'll be going home soon.♥ See ya. I've gotten pretty strong, huh. I learned various types of magic when I went to Makai, too. ...... Where should I go next? Hmm... Maybe the spirit world?♥ What should I do? ...Well, that's what I've been pondering. What do you think, Reimu? Well, yeah.💧 ...I'll pas..💧 Hey, you!🌩️ Hmm, even so, they are small fry, right? I am, so I guess I'll do just a little. Ahaha...💧 (She wouldn't believe me if I told her I beat the god of Makai...) Okay! !? Has it been that long? Well, you're pretty confident. Ooh, I would love to have that. Really? Well, I wouldn't mind just taking a peek... It looks like you couldn't use that magic either.💧 I'll take this book, okay.♥ It'll be good if you reflect on your actions while you're there.♥ Until I can learn all the magic here. Then, you'll be there forever right.